Banshees and Dimes

I blew up at my kids today. Scout has been so grumpy today. We went to the doctor this morning and the kids were really good- nice, happy, a little too loud for the waiting room, but I was willing to let them since they were all playing together so well. Then we left to go to a movie and she just ornery. Every time Grace or Abi said anything, she said they were wrong. She griped about listening to a book instead of music. She complained that I didn't tell her to bring money for her to buy stuff at the movie theater. She got mad I didn't have a quarter for her to put in the gumball machine. When the movie was over, it continued for the next three hours. She was given jobs (that I didn't end up following through with) and got lost her swimming rights during Max's lesson (that I ended up giving in and letting her have 1 minute after the other girls got in. ). In between all of this, right after getting after her she would act the perfect angel for a whole minute, then go right back to being a grump.

Meanwhile, the other girls are being pretty good. Grace snipped at Scout once is all, but when I told her to come here, instead of listening, she just kept asking, "Why?!" I hate that. "Because I told you to. Maybe after you do it I will answer, but you do what I say first!" Abi was surprisingly agreeable with both her sisters. But then it came to getting them out of the pool. I have talked to them every day this week about getting out when I tell them. I am just so tired of them not listening to me. I snapped, but had the decency to wait till the privacy of our car, for the most part.

"I'm sick of you not listening to me, ever! And I'm tire of hearing you fight with each other and me over every little thing. I try to do fun things with you and it makes me very angry when you are just so rude! I'm tired of you being rude to me when I am being a nice mom, so now you don't get nice mom anymore, you can have mean mom."

Grace- "What did I do?" Genuine question too, not the smart off version. And really, she didn't do much of anything, but I was already started. I had to finish right?

"You all are grounded for the rest of the weekend. You can clean or sleep. That's it! And if I hear a word of complaining while cleaning, you will go straight to bed. And if you don't go, I will spank your bum, hard. If you fight you will get more jobs, wait, no, you are already just doing jobs, so if you fight then you can go to bed. And I don't know if I am going to take you to swimming lessons next week." Not my finest speech.

Everyone was quite for the drive home. I told them to get their pjs on and do their jobs. When we got home, I told Grace that she didn't really do anything, I just want her to listen when I tell her to do something. She teared up and said ok.

Inside, they all got to work. Grace did everything she was supposed to and tried to help more by vacuuming all the rugs. Scout got mad at her for moving the rug to the living room to vacuum and started yelling at her. I told her to go to her room.

"Why?!"

"Go and then I will tell you."

"But I didn't do anything and you won't even tell me why!"

"Do what you are told!"

She stayed there saying the same things over and over until I moved over to spank her for not listening, like I said I would do. She glared at me and went upstairs.

Right after this yelling match with Scout, Abi, who is usually horrible at picking anything up, walked up to me with a dime she found while cleaning the living room.

With a big smile, she holds up her dime and asks, "Pay you for a kiss?"

I wonder how she could possibly want a kiss from me, being the banshee I've behaved like. "You never have to pay me for one of those."

I want to be a better parent. In the evenings, when I have time to myself, I look back at my day and see how little I have moved myself and my family toward my goal of "always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God." (Ether 12:4) How do you do it? How do you make the change?