Gotta Love Commercials

Apparently Scout is highly susceptible to commercials. For instance:

She spilled something on her clothes and was upset. I told her not to worry about it; it will come out when I wash it. She said to me "Oh yeah, we should buy Tide with Bleach because it works really well to get stains out."

This morning she was sucking on her hair while reading and said out loud while putting her hair behind her ear, "I shouldn't chew on my hair because it makes it so I can't get it apart and it makes it really hard to brush. We should get the new Dove, because it helps to get the tangles out."

Jared's additions:

"A week or so ago Grace was crying that she needed a band-aid for some scratch she found, that apparently didn't hurt until she saw it. I told her that the band-aid doesn't actually make it stop hurting. Scout was indignant. "Band-aid brand does daddy, it makes it heal faster, you don't even know." I told her she shouldn't believe everything she sees on tv.

Fast forward to last night, we took the kids to Chuck E Cheese. As we were walking in the kids were all excited. Apparently the reality lived up to the commercials for Scout because she said to me "See Daddy? I told you commercials don't lie!""

Things I would like to go 24 hours without saying

Leave Abi alone!

Flush the toilet.

Did you wash your hands?

Get out of the car!

Will you just go play.

You had the pink plate/bowl/cup last time.

How can you be hungry again? You just ate!

Shut the door.

Don't play with the blinds.

Turn the sound down on the computer.

Stop whining at me!

Obviously we need to have quiet time today.

No, we are not making play dough today.

I said no.

I already said no, so now I'm not going to listen to you anymore.

Jared, when are you going to be home?!

You can't complain about your food when you haven't even tasted it yet.

Yes you can go outside.

Stop coming in and out.

Heavenly Father, help me to stop yelling at my kids.

Challenge the Mighty Titan and His Stupid Horse, family style

That's my favorite misheard lyric that I have heard of, but we have some good ones ourselves, both of lyrics and sayings.

Girls "Into the pickle pit"
Actual "into the thick of it"
(We try to correct these things, but they are just adamant they are correct.)

Girls "Heffalumps and woosles are scary so scary. Heffalumps and woosles are the same!"
Actual "Heffalumps and woosles are very pecuzzels..." and the next line I don't know.

Grace "I am a child of God, and so my knees are great."
Actual "I am a child of God, and so my needs are great."
("Grace your knees are great?" She looks back at me and shrugs with an expression that says "I guess so, that's what they told me." We should have more songs about being made in God's image. At least Grace will always know her knees are.)

Not that the kids have had a monopoly on the misheard lyrics. Jared and (especially)I have some pretty good ones of our own.

Scout "Celebration Time. Come On! It's a celebration."
Jared's as a kid "Celebreaker times. Come On! It's a celebration" (He says he just assumed that was a word that meant it was just a really awesome party.)
Actual "Celebrate good times. Come on! It's a celebration."

Brittney "Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul."
Actual "Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul."
(If you want the aha moment story you'll have to ask Jared, he thinks it's hilarious, but he's usually polite enough not to tell it around me, because it's horribly embarrassing. He can post it if you all would like but you are forbidden to actually hear the story around me. However, teasing is acceptable.)

Brittney "I might hum every day, and I'll send all my lovin' to you."
Actual "I'll write home every day" which makes a little more sense then humming. (Another one Jared thinks is hilarious. I know that's not what it says now, but I still sing it that way. I started singing it that way when I was 5, old habits are hard to break.)

Irrational Fears and OCD Moments

I should probably have put OCD moments as it's very own post because of the large number of them that I have. Although, I was talking to Jeff and Debra, we were discussing if it was really an OCD moment if you have a reason for doing it. Personally, I have a reason for every one, but who knows, maybe the person that has to "punish" everything that might touch her has a completely justifiable reason for doing that, but doesn't go around telling everyone what it is. Just because one person doesn't have to do it for that reason doesn't mean it's an absurd behavior, but maybe I just think that because I have so many.


Irrational Fears

I think my biggest two fears are 1)that I will die and my kids will have to grow up with all the problems of loosing a mom causes 2) that one of my children will die. I especially get that second one when I am pregnant. I never want to have to live through a newborn dying, although, in all honestly it would probably be easier then one of my other three dying.

So enough of that morbid seriousness. I, too, have a couple horror scene fears. Then all stem from being afraid of the dark, or more appropriately, being afraid of being alone in the dark. I hate driving home at night by myself. I always feel like someone is watching me from the back seat of the van and out my rear view mirror it looks like there is someone in the back seat. I'll turn around and be even more convinced that someone is just sitting there until I drive under a street lamp and realize the creepy guy's silhouette is just one of the girls booster seats with the headrest. I know that they are there but every time I get in the car by myself I still go through the whole thing thinking that maybe he hides behind the seat when I check getting into the car and the sits and waits for me to notice after I start the car, then will just sit there with a crazy grin until I pull into a parking spot when he pounces and does who knows what to me.

The other one is very similar, but not with a live being. Ever since I was like 9 I have been imagining these evil spirits around me, sometimes I think I see them, just maliciously grinning at me and following me, or 10 year old girls walking barefoot in a nightgown down the freeway. I catch movement out the corner of my eye and look and nothing is there but it makes me think of them. That's the main reason I have a dog, to keep me company at night. I just tell my self that animals are really perceptive and would notice if a ghost was trying to kill me, just maliciously following me around.

Then I have the normal irrational fear of giant alien slugs crawling into my ear to lay eggs in my brain. (Did anyone see that movie? Not that I am recommending it.) I think that maybe earwigs are the drones of those giant alien slugs, put on earth to see if in fact they can get into people ears and lay eggs (also one of my fears).

And bug-wise, I am afraid of inhaling bug eggs and getting them up my sinuses where they hatch and burrow into my skull. (Did you guys see that documentary? We watched it in one of my biology classes in college. Do teachers just think that is funny to instill horrific fears in their students?) So I always think about that when I get a really bad sinus infection.

OCD Moments

Carrie, I bet when you gave me this subject you didn't think it would be this long. So like I said I have a ton of these, so I won't give any of my reasons for them. However, if you are curious, let me know, I am completely willing to justify my "freak" characteristics.

-If you ask for a bite of my sandwich or hamburger, don't take it from the middle.

-If someone does my hair and there is a little tiny bump in it or the pigtails are just slightly different heights, I will take it out, even if it took you a half hour to do it.

-I can't handle wrinkles in the sheets on my bed (top or bottom). So if it is wrinkled and you are asleep and it's 3 in the morning, you still have to wake up and get out of the bed so I can remake it. But don't worry, it only takes about 15 minutes.

-The blanket on the bed has to be even, equidistant from the top or I have to remake the bed. Turns out Abi has this exact same quirk.

-Clothes have to hang just right. If there's a problem with the way it was sewn or cut I won't wear it, or if it is just that my body makes it hang slightly off I won't wear it (just so you know, if you have ever thought about buying me clothes, don't, I won't wear it, I have to try 50 things on before I find one that fits right). My mom finds this insufferable, especially when she makes me something because I make her adjust it 50 times until it feels just right. It's not something you can see, it just doesn't FEEL right. It does mean I spend very little on clothes for me though.

-If something is even a little course or itchy I won't wear it.

-There is a correct distance to sit between everyone, and a particular way to sit close to someone. If you adjust we have to start over so if you sit close to me, just don't move please.

I am sure I have others but that's all that comes quickly to mind. I am positive if I left anything major out Jared will mention it in the comments.

My favorite spots, or maybe just my least productive ones.

As a kid I would curl up with my book on the kitchen floor by the sink. It was warm there and no one could see me because of the bar. I would spend hours there reading with the heater blowing on me through the vent. I think it was my insecurities that made me do it. If nobody can find you, nobody can yell at you, or make you go do chores. Plus it was nice to have a "hiding place" that I wouldn't get in trouble for being in. If mom was looking for me I could finish the page I was on and then stand up. She would jump and ask me how long I have been down there for. Just a little while (lie, the real answer was since the last meal got cleaned up, so a few hours). She would look at me like I was crazy. Why don't you read on the couch?

It was like my own private cave. The book help, too, letting me escape my own life and pretend I was someone else, someone more interesting, more in control. I realize that I have wasted a lot of my time daydreaming while reading books so I didn't have to deal with my life. If I had (or even would) just taken the time I daydream to get control of my life maybe I wouldn't be so insecure and overwhelmed. Often, I still feel like that young teenager that wishes I was someone else, someone more interesting, someone in control.

I still find that my favorite spots are hiding spots, most often for different reasons, though on occasion not. Now my favorite spots are out on my porch in the early mornings with my scriptures, or my bedroom, when it's clean, laying on the bed talking and joking around with Jared. When my hard times hit, I still go to the floor but in the bathroom now because my kids are much better seekers and more persistent then my mom and sisters were. Thank goodness for doors with locks.